If this guy is any more mono-tone, I�m going to throw my pencil at him.

The professor is asking what is the main feature of garden cities, ummm�. Gardens? I like dead giveaways.

They have designed these cities in circular plans, thus making it a giant dart board for space aliens.

Picking classroom chairs is a give or take situation. The comfortable chairs have the small tiny desks. The crappy break your back chairs has the nice large desks.

My pants are being vibrated by text messages and phone calls.

This line here is going to be of no thoughts. Hey, you are the one reading it, so which one of us is really crazy?

That girl has a cute band-aid with pictures on it taped to her ankle. Stylish band-aids that make injuries trendy, marketing at it�s best.

I would like to see the statistics on how much more people call when you are in class, at the theater, having sex, or just busy in ratio to when you�re doing nothing at all.

They should let kids who are afraid of needles run free in the forest while rich people shoot them with darts full of medication. This would make it legal to shoot little kids.

Never trust how good chicken looks behind glass.

To achieve the happy medium, take No-Doz and smoke a bowl.

Tight dresses require weight limits, breaking those weight limits should result in a 3 year sentence to weight watchers.

This large woman lost control of her huge electric wheel chair and flew across the campus court yard at 30 miles an hour with 3 people chasing her. Only after making sure she was okay did I start laughing.

Trees are meant to be climbed, and then you fall down.

All the hot girls only appear the first and last week of school.

There are cameras on top of the buildings, we are being watched.

If there is no obvious return for something, you don�t appreciate it as much.

There should be a frat that�s named Sigma Epsilon Chi (SEX)

My fortune cookie says my magnetic personality will attract others. I almost walked into a big black guy.

In gas station bathrooms, there�s smut written on the walls. In universities, there is politics written on the wall.

Funny words when put together: back fat

To counter the effects of fortune cookies always telling good fortunes, I left a note to say �You are going to have a bad day� in a scratch paper pile at the library.

Water that requires state of the art reverse osmosis purification systems worries me.

In my world, black would be a color, silence would be a sound, numb would be a feeling, and I will always have the right of way.

According to the laws of thermodynamics and the fact that time is relative, they have proven that it�s impossible to be �Wasting energy� or �Wasting time� respectively. Now that�s something you should say next time you�re being told you�re being unproductive.

How does superman have sex without killing Louis Lane with �super sperm�? Kryptonite condoms.

If I ever see a raver driving a Toyota Echo, I'm going to rip the "C" off. (E HO)